2009

I'm not sad to see 2009 go. I don't know if this year was a good year or a bad year. All I know is that my family went through a lot of emotions this year. We lost Uncle Lo in January and Uncle Jun in August both were very dear uncles to me and I will always have fond memories of them in my heart. It was hard to see my family in so much pain, seeing my mom and her siblings deal with losing 2 of their brothers in the same year and seeing the pain and heartache of the children they left behind. I am sad that they are not here to celebrate another new year with us but I am very happy that I had the opportunity to know them and that is something that can never be taken away. And because my family are bunch of foodies we will always remember my uncles when were cooking and eating and how much fun we used to have preparing for parties. My uncles taught us a lot about food but they also taught us a lot about life and for that I will forever be grateful. I miss you my uncles!

2009 wasn't just filled with sadness, it was also filled with a lot of joy and blessings as we welcomed 6 new additions to our already large family. Somehow I believe that God blessed us with these 6 angels because He knew he had to take 2 people away. We welcomed Lonessa in January, Akoni in June, Amelia and Ian (twins) in October, and Jordan in November. Unfortunately, my cousin also had a new daughter but I don't know her name or when she was born and will most likely never meet her and that saddens me but there's not much I can do about it when I never see my cousin either. He is dealing with his own loss and in time I hope he can heal and will be able to find his way back.

I'm ready to start a new year and a new life and I hope and pray that this new year will be bring much love, happiness, and prosperity to us all. Happy 2010!

Hard Ass?

I obviously have had a lot of issues when it comes to dating. I'm not really sure why that is? A friend of mine told me that it may be because despite my quiet disposition, they soon see after getting to know me a little that I am an independent woman, very capable of making her own decisions and for a lot of guys, it can be a turn off and also a signal to them not to piss me off cos I don't need their shit. Well.......is it really a bad thing to have a mind of my own? Is it possible that no one wants anyone to piss them off? Honestly, I never thought of myself as a hard ass!

I honestly believe that men are just not attracted to me. It kinda sucks but I am who I am and when someone can learn to appreciate that then I'm sure they will be pleasantly surprised. So until that day comes I guess I will have to just have to keep living my life single. There's nothing wrong with that but I do wonder sometimes why it can't happen for me.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! Be safe stay away from the tricks but get plenty of treats!

learning to exhale

I don't know exactly why I decided I wanted to quit smoking. It wasn't something I was actively thinking about but my friend did it and then my other friend said she was interested in going to the smoking cessation class so I said I would go with her. It took me about 2 weeks after joining the class to actually quit smoking but as of today it has been 2 weeks and 1 day since I've had a cigarette and let me tell you this...........It sucks!!!!!!!!!

Ok so I like the fact that my hair still smells pretty and that my clothes don't smell like smoke and that I'm not waking up to a coughing fit every morning. I just hate the cravings and urges that I have to fight every single day several times a day. I started out using the patch and gum to help me stop smoking and it was helpful but I haven't used anything in a while.......maybe it would help to start using it again.

My family and friends have been very supportive of my choice to quit smoking and I feel very blessed. Even my friends and family that still smoke don't do it right in front of me and I really appreciate it. But man do I want to smoke!!!!!!!!! Ok so I say this several times a day and believe it or not, it actually helps me to release some of the desire to smoke. hehe

will post something soon.......

ok so i completely forgot about this whole blog thing but i'm back! i will post something better soon and hopefully you will find it interesting....

Guitar

Ok I had my first guitar lesson about a week ago and my homework was to work on a chord, just one chord. It is the hardest thing for me to learn. I can't even hold the guitar right and it feels really strange. Perhaps I just need to time to get comfortable with the instrument and learn how to position my fingers so they don't block the other strings. It's a little frustrating but I know that a little determination and practice will help.

I really do want to learn howto play the guitar and I expected that it would not be easy. I was just hoping that I wouldn't have such a hard time........Hmm....maybe it isn't meant to be..

I WANT TO SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so for the past maybe 5 years, I've had a bit of stage fright. I don't know why I developed this fear of performing when I did it throughout my childhood and even some of my teenage years. As an adult, it just doesn't feel comfortable.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love singing but even when I go with a group of friends for a night of karaoke, I can't bring myself to sing a song without finishing a JD/diet coke first. I need to get some alcohol in my system and even after that drink I'm still shaking!

Last weekend, we went to Oceans and I was pulled up to sing with the band. My legs were shaking so bad and I couldn't hear myself! I was sweating and looking at the crowd to see their reaction to what I thought was me screeching! I can't explain how I felt, it was horrible and exhilarating at the same time. I was scared and wanted to run and hide but I also wanted to sing! So I did and when it was all over I was embarrassed and wanted to leave. Fortunately, my friends were nice enough to tell me I did fine. LOL!

Oh when will this end?! I just want to sing!!!!!!!! Why do I feel so scared?!!!!!

Boring Saturday

So this weekend was pretty uneventful. I didn't really expect much to be happening but I was very surprised at how boring my Saturday was. I stayed home practically all day watching tv but I usually enjoy those days because I rarely watch tv. I guess I just didn't want to be at home this weekend, oh well I'm looking forward to next weekend!

What did you do this weekend?

Roller Coaster

It has been quite a month! With a wedding last month, a bunch of farewells at the airport, my uncle's passing, the birth of my niece, the loss of another niece or perhaps a nephew, and my sister's trip to the emergency room.......my family has been through quite an emotional roller coaster. All of this happened in a span of a month!

I have to admit though that I am truly blessed with a wonderful family. Aunties and Uncles who can get on my nerves because they always have to add their 2 cents into everything, but they mean well and only interfere because they care. My cousins are amazing people and I feel much closer to everyone now. I really saw this past month how my family really binds together in times of joy and sorrow and I know that I will never ever be alone.

My friends have also had their own frustrations but still have made themselves available to me when I really needed them. My life is actually pretty awesome! Well at least the people in my life are! So I just want say thank you to my family and my friends for being great people. I love you!

Taking Risks

Ok for the first time in my life I decided to audition for a musical. I was terrified! I had to call Pedali a few times for some reassurance that I have some talent. I can't explain the way I felt prior to heading down to the audition site. I wasn't just nervous, I was really scared. Somehow, I convinced myself to leave home and go to the audition. I waited for Tony, who said he will be there for moral support. I couldn't move once he got there. I managed to get out of the car but then my legs stopped working and I just stood there in the middle of the parking lot waiting for something to save me. Well Tony convinces me to at least get to the door.........I felt really stupid at this point. I mean I really wanna do this, why am I so scared?! After about an hour we finally go inside and I can't bring myself to even fill out the application. So Tony fills one out and says he'll audition too. So I fill out my application. We wait around listening to other people audition. I'm starting to feel confident but somehow I just lost the desire to audition and we left.

Pedali tells me that I do not ever take risks in any aspect of my life and he is absolutely right. I play it safe, but sometimes playing it safe doesn't get me anywhere. So for 2009, I'm going to try to take a few risks. I spoke to someone about the audition and said I got there but didn't actually audition and he said he'll see if he can set one up for me. This time, Pedali says he'll play guitar for me and hopefully I'll actually audition this time.

I have the greatest friends, I am truly blessed!

Happy 2009!

Well I have to admit that I was very happy to say goodbye to 2008 and hello to 2009. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude this year and I'm not really concerned so much about the economy or our government as I am about concentrating on making me a better person. Don't get me wrong, I am very concerned about my island home but I figure that I need to change me before I can change the world....baby steps.

So here's to 2009, may it be a blessed year for all of us!