Hard Ass?

I obviously have had a lot of issues when it comes to dating. I'm not really sure why that is? A friend of mine told me that it may be because despite my quiet disposition, they soon see after getting to know me a little that I am an independent woman, very capable of making her own decisions and for a lot of guys, it can be a turn off and also a signal to them not to piss me off cos I don't need their shit. Well.......is it really a bad thing to have a mind of my own? Is it possible that no one wants anyone to piss them off? Honestly, I never thought of myself as a hard ass!

I honestly believe that men are just not attracted to me. It kinda sucks but I am who I am and when someone can learn to appreciate that then I'm sure they will be pleasantly surprised. So until that day comes I guess I will have to just have to keep living my life single. There's nothing wrong with that but I do wonder sometimes why it can't happen for me.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! Be safe stay away from the tricks but get plenty of treats!

learning to exhale

I don't know exactly why I decided I wanted to quit smoking. It wasn't something I was actively thinking about but my friend did it and then my other friend said she was interested in going to the smoking cessation class so I said I would go with her. It took me about 2 weeks after joining the class to actually quit smoking but as of today it has been 2 weeks and 1 day since I've had a cigarette and let me tell you this...........It sucks!!!!!!!!!

Ok so I like the fact that my hair still smells pretty and that my clothes don't smell like smoke and that I'm not waking up to a coughing fit every morning. I just hate the cravings and urges that I have to fight every single day several times a day. I started out using the patch and gum to help me stop smoking and it was helpful but I haven't used anything in a while.......maybe it would help to start using it again.

My family and friends have been very supportive of my choice to quit smoking and I feel very blessed. Even my friends and family that still smoke don't do it right in front of me and I really appreciate it. But man do I want to smoke!!!!!!!!! Ok so I say this several times a day and believe it or not, it actually helps me to release some of the desire to smoke. hehe

will post something soon.......

ok so i completely forgot about this whole blog thing but i'm back! i will post something better soon and hopefully you will find it interesting....

Guitar

Ok I had my first guitar lesson about a week ago and my homework was to work on a chord, just one chord. It is the hardest thing for me to learn. I can't even hold the guitar right and it feels really strange. Perhaps I just need to time to get comfortable with the instrument and learn how to position my fingers so they don't block the other strings. It's a little frustrating but I know that a little determination and practice will help.

I really do want to learn howto play the guitar and I expected that it would not be easy. I was just hoping that I wouldn't have such a hard time........Hmm....maybe it isn't meant to be..

I WANT TO SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so for the past maybe 5 years, I've had a bit of stage fright. I don't know why I developed this fear of performing when I did it throughout my childhood and even some of my teenage years. As an adult, it just doesn't feel comfortable.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love singing but even when I go with a group of friends for a night of karaoke, I can't bring myself to sing a song without finishing a JD/diet coke first. I need to get some alcohol in my system and even after that drink I'm still shaking!

Last weekend, we went to Oceans and I was pulled up to sing with the band. My legs were shaking so bad and I couldn't hear myself! I was sweating and looking at the crowd to see their reaction to what I thought was me screeching! I can't explain how I felt, it was horrible and exhilarating at the same time. I was scared and wanted to run and hide but I also wanted to sing! So I did and when it was all over I was embarrassed and wanted to leave. Fortunately, my friends were nice enough to tell me I did fine. LOL!

Oh when will this end?! I just want to sing!!!!!!!! Why do I feel so scared?!!!!!

Boring Saturday

So this weekend was pretty uneventful. I didn't really expect much to be happening but I was very surprised at how boring my Saturday was. I stayed home practically all day watching tv but I usually enjoy those days because I rarely watch tv. I guess I just didn't want to be at home this weekend, oh well I'm looking forward to next weekend!

What did you do this weekend?