2009

I'm not sad to see 2009 go. I don't know if this year was a good year or a bad year. All I know is that my family went through a lot of emotions this year. We lost Uncle Lo in January and Uncle Jun in August both were very dear uncles to me and I will always have fond memories of them in my heart. It was hard to see my family in so much pain, seeing my mom and her siblings deal with losing 2 of their brothers in the same year and seeing the pain and heartache of the children they left behind. I am sad that they are not here to celebrate another new year with us but I am very happy that I had the opportunity to know them and that is something that can never be taken away. And because my family are bunch of foodies we will always remember my uncles when were cooking and eating and how much fun we used to have preparing for parties. My uncles taught us a lot about food but they also taught us a lot about life and for that I will forever be grateful. I miss you my uncles!

2009 wasn't just filled with sadness, it was also filled with a lot of joy and blessings as we welcomed 6 new additions to our already large family. Somehow I believe that God blessed us with these 6 angels because He knew he had to take 2 people away. We welcomed Lonessa in January, Akoni in June, Amelia and Ian (twins) in October, and Jordan in November. Unfortunately, my cousin also had a new daughter but I don't know her name or when she was born and will most likely never meet her and that saddens me but there's not much I can do about it when I never see my cousin either. He is dealing with his own loss and in time I hope he can heal and will be able to find his way back.

I'm ready to start a new year and a new life and I hope and pray that this new year will be bring much love, happiness, and prosperity to us all. Happy 2010!

Hard Ass?

I obviously have had a lot of issues when it comes to dating. I'm not really sure why that is? A friend of mine told me that it may be because despite my quiet disposition, they soon see after getting to know me a little that I am an independent woman, very capable of making her own decisions and for a lot of guys, it can be a turn off and also a signal to them not to piss me off cos I don't need their shit. Well.......is it really a bad thing to have a mind of my own? Is it possible that no one wants anyone to piss them off? Honestly, I never thought of myself as a hard ass!

I honestly believe that men are just not attracted to me. It kinda sucks but I am who I am and when someone can learn to appreciate that then I'm sure they will be pleasantly surprised. So until that day comes I guess I will have to just have to keep living my life single. There's nothing wrong with that but I do wonder sometimes why it can't happen for me.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! Be safe stay away from the tricks but get plenty of treats!

learning to exhale

I don't know exactly why I decided I wanted to quit smoking. It wasn't something I was actively thinking about but my friend did it and then my other friend said she was interested in going to the smoking cessation class so I said I would go with her. It took me about 2 weeks after joining the class to actually quit smoking but as of today it has been 2 weeks and 1 day since I've had a cigarette and let me tell you this...........It sucks!!!!!!!!!

Ok so I like the fact that my hair still smells pretty and that my clothes don't smell like smoke and that I'm not waking up to a coughing fit every morning. I just hate the cravings and urges that I have to fight every single day several times a day. I started out using the patch and gum to help me stop smoking and it was helpful but I haven't used anything in a while.......maybe it would help to start using it again.

My family and friends have been very supportive of my choice to quit smoking and I feel very blessed. Even my friends and family that still smoke don't do it right in front of me and I really appreciate it. But man do I want to smoke!!!!!!!!! Ok so I say this several times a day and believe it or not, it actually helps me to release some of the desire to smoke. hehe

will post something soon.......

ok so i completely forgot about this whole blog thing but i'm back! i will post something better soon and hopefully you will find it interesting....

Guitar

Ok I had my first guitar lesson about a week ago and my homework was to work on a chord, just one chord. It is the hardest thing for me to learn. I can't even hold the guitar right and it feels really strange. Perhaps I just need to time to get comfortable with the instrument and learn how to position my fingers so they don't block the other strings. It's a little frustrating but I know that a little determination and practice will help.

I really do want to learn howto play the guitar and I expected that it would not be easy. I was just hoping that I wouldn't have such a hard time........Hmm....maybe it isn't meant to be..

I WANT TO SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so for the past maybe 5 years, I've had a bit of stage fright. I don't know why I developed this fear of performing when I did it throughout my childhood and even some of my teenage years. As an adult, it just doesn't feel comfortable.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love singing but even when I go with a group of friends for a night of karaoke, I can't bring myself to sing a song without finishing a JD/diet coke first. I need to get some alcohol in my system and even after that drink I'm still shaking!

Last weekend, we went to Oceans and I was pulled up to sing with the band. My legs were shaking so bad and I couldn't hear myself! I was sweating and looking at the crowd to see their reaction to what I thought was me screeching! I can't explain how I felt, it was horrible and exhilarating at the same time. I was scared and wanted to run and hide but I also wanted to sing! So I did and when it was all over I was embarrassed and wanted to leave. Fortunately, my friends were nice enough to tell me I did fine. LOL!

Oh when will this end?! I just want to sing!!!!!!!! Why do I feel so scared?!!!!!