Grassy Under Construction

2009

2009-12-27T16:04:00.001-08:00

I'm not sad to see 2009 go. I don't know if this year was a good year or a bad year. All I know is that my family went through a lot of emotions this year. We lost Uncle Lo in January and Uncle Jun in August both were very dear uncles to me and I will always have fond memories of them in my heart. It was hard to see my family in so much pain, seeing my mom and her siblings deal with losing 2 of their brothers in the same year and seeing the pain and heartache of the children they left behind. I am sad that they are not here to celebrate another new year with us but I am very happy that I had the opportunity to know them and that is something that can never be taken away. And because my family are bunch of foodies we will always remember my uncles when were cooking and eating and how much fun we used to have preparing for parties. My uncles taught us a lot about food but they also taught us a lot about life and for that I will forever be grateful. I miss you my uncles!

2009 wasn't just filled with sadness, it was also filled with a lot of joy and blessings as we welcomed 6 new additions to our already large family. Somehow I believe that God blessed us with these 6 angels because He knew he had to take 2 people away. We welcomed Lonessa in January, Akoni in June, Amelia and Ian (twins) in October, and Jordan in November. Unfortunately, my cousin also had a new daughter but I don't know her name or when she was born and will most likely never meet her and that saddens me but there's not much I can do about it when I never see my cousin either. He is dealing with his own loss and in time I hope he can heal and will be able to find his way back.

I'm ready to start a new year and a new life and I hope and pray that this new year will be bring much love, happiness, and prosperity to us all. Happy 2010!

Hard Ass?

2009-12-10T17:19:00.000-08:00

I obviously have had a lot of issues when it comes to dating. I'm not really sure why that is? A friend of mine told me that it may be because despite my quiet disposition, they soon see after getting to know me a little that I am an independent woman, very capable of making her own decisions and for a lot of guys, it can be a turn off and also a signal to them not to piss me off cos I don't need their shit. Well.......is it really a bad thing to have a mind of my own? Is it possible that no one wants anyone to piss them off? Honestly, I never thought of myself as a hard ass!

I honestly believe that men are just not attracted to me. It kinda sucks but I am who I am and when someone can learn to appreciate that then I'm sure they will be pleasantly surprised. So until that day comes I guess I will have to just have to keep living my life single. There's nothing wrong with that but I do wonder sometimes why it can't happen for me.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-30T23:41:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween everyone! Be safe stay away from the tricks but get plenty of treats!

learning to exhale

2009-10-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

I don't know exactly why I decided I wanted to quit smoking. It wasn't something I was actively thinking about but my friend did it and then my other friend said she was interested in going to the smoking cessation class so I said I would go with her. It took me about 2 weeks after joining the class to actually quit smoking but as of today it has been 2 weeks and 1 day since I've had a cigarette and let me tell you this...........It sucks!!!!!!!!!

Ok so I like the fact that my hair still smells pretty and that my clothes don't smell like smoke and that I'm not waking up to a coughing fit every morning. I just hate the cravings and urges that I have to fight every single day several times a day. I started out using the patch and gum to help me stop smoking and it was helpful but I haven't used anything in a while.......maybe it would help to start using it again.

My family and friends have been very supportive of my choice to quit smoking and I feel very blessed. Even my friends and family that still smoke don't do it right in front of me and I really appreciate it. But man do I want to smoke!!!!!!!!! Ok so I say this several times a day and believe it or not, it actually helps me to release some of the desire to smoke. hehe

will post something soon.......

2009-08-23T22:54:00.000-07:00

ok so i completely forgot about this whole blog thing but i'm back! i will post something better soon and hopefully you will find it interesting....

Guitar

2009-03-22T17:57:00.000-07:00

Ok I had my first guitar lesson about a week ago and my homework was to work on a chord, just one chord. It is the hardest thing for me to learn. I can't even hold the guitar right and it feels really strange. Perhaps I just need to time to get comfortable with the instrument and learn how to position my fingers so they don't block the other strings. It's a little frustrating but I know that a little determination and practice will help.

I really do want to learn howto play the guitar and I expected that it would not be easy. I was just hoping that I wouldn't have such a hard time........Hmm....maybe it isn't meant to be..

I WANT TO SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

Ok so for the past maybe 5 years, I've had a bit of stage fright. I don't know why I developed this fear of performing when I did it throughout my childhood and even some of my teenage years. As an adult, it just doesn't feel comfortable.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love singing but even when I go with a group of friends for a night of karaoke, I can't bring myself to sing a song without finishing a JD/diet coke first. I need to get some alcohol in my system and even after that drink I'm still shaking!

Last weekend, we went to Oceans and I was pulled up to sing with the band. My legs were shaking so bad and I couldn't hear myself! I was sweating and looking at the crowd to see their reaction to what I thought was me screeching! I can't explain how I felt, it was horrible and exhilarating at the same time. I was scared and wanted to run and hide but I also wanted to sing! So I did and when it was all over I was embarrassed and wanted to leave. Fortunately, my friends were nice enough to tell me I did fine. LOL!

Oh when will this end?! I just want to sing!!!!!!!! Why do I feel so scared?!!!!!

Boring Saturday

2009-03-08T18:06:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was pretty uneventful. I didn't really expect much to be happening but I was very surprised at how boring my Saturday was. I stayed home practically all day watching tv but I usually enjoy those days because I rarely watch tv. I guess I just didn't want to be at home this weekend, oh well I'm looking forward to next weekend!

What did you do this weekend?

Roller Coaster

2009-01-28T21:43:00.000-08:00

It has been quite a month! With a wedding last month, a bunch of farewells at the airport, my uncle's passing, the birth of my niece, the loss of another niece or perhaps a nephew, and my sister's trip to the emergency room.......my family has been through quite an emotional roller coaster. All of this happened in a span of a month!

I have to admit though that I am truly blessed with a wonderful family. Aunties and Uncles who can get on my nerves because they always have to add their 2 cents into everything, but they mean well and only interfere because they care. My cousins are amazing people and I feel much closer to everyone now. I really saw this past month how my family really binds together in times of joy and sorrow and I know that I will never ever be alone.

My friends have also had their own frustrations but still have made themselves available to me when I really needed them. My life is actually pretty awesome! Well at least the people in my life are! So I just want say thank you to my family and my friends for being great people. I love you!

Taking Risks

2009-01-13T18:16:00.000-08:00

Ok for the first time in my life I decided to audition for a musical. I was terrified! I had to call Pedali a few times for some reassurance that I have some talent. I can't explain the way I felt prior to heading down to the audition site. I wasn't just nervous, I was really scared. Somehow, I convinced myself to leave home and go to the audition. I waited for Tony, who said he will be there for moral support. I couldn't move once he got there. I managed to get out of the car but then my legs stopped working and I just stood there in the middle of the parking lot waiting for something to save me. Well Tony convinces me to at least get to the door.........I felt really stupid at this point. I mean I really wanna do this, why am I so scared?! After about an hour we finally go inside and I can't bring myself to even fill out the application. So Tony fills one out and says he'll audition too. So I fill out my application. We wait around listening to other people audition. I'm starting to feel confident but somehow I just lost the desire to audition and we left.

Pedali tells me that I do not ever take risks in any aspect of my life and he is absolutely right. I play it safe, but sometimes playing it safe doesn't get me anywhere. So for 2009, I'm going to try to take a few risks. I spoke to someone about the audition and said I got there but didn't actually audition and he said he'll see if he can set one up for me. This time, Pedali says he'll play guitar for me and hopefully I'll actually audition this time.

I have the greatest friends, I am truly blessed!

Happy 2009!

2009-01-05T22:03:00.000-08:00

Well I have to admit that I was very happy to say goodbye to 2008 and hello to 2009. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude this year and I'm not really concerned so much about the economy or our government as I am about concentrating on making me a better person. Don't get me wrong, I am very concerned about my island home but I figure that I need to change me before I can change the world....baby steps.

So here's to 2009, may it be a blessed year for all of us!

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-16T18:46:00.000-08:00

Lots of family are coming back this year so I'm looking forward to a lot of catch up time with my cousins and to finally meet their kids. We have a wedding 2 days after Christmas so we're busy preparing for that too (including a bachelorette party Christmas night)!

It's been so busy lately and I doubt that I will have any time to get online and post any messages. Once everything settles down, I'll be back with hopefully some good stories to share with all of you. So to the 4 of you that actually read my blog, have a wonderfully joyous and safe holiday season.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

sit around the campfire and hold hands with flowers in our hair acoustic guitar

2008-12-03T18:12:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to learn how to play the guitar for years and finally decided to do it. So Pedali and I go to see a guitar that may be good for me and in a price range that I can live with. Pedali, the self-proclaimed guitar guru, says I should invest in an intermediate level guitar and that I should expect to spend at least $300 for it. Ok, that's a little hard for me to swallow since I don't know anything about playing the guitar. As my BFF and guitar Yoda, I trust him.

Well it looks like it's gonna take me at least another month before I actually get started on my lessons. Apparently, I have to cut my nails to play the guitar and I'm not exactly thrilled at the idea. So I promised myself that I would sacrifice the girly girl hands to learn but after my cousin's wedding on Dec. 27th, I'm a bridesmaid and would like to be a girly girl at the wedding.

I'm actually very excited about learning something new, however I do expect that I'll get my head ripped off a lot by my instructor. I can't tell if I'll be any good at it but I hope I have some talent. I love the sound of a guitar! There is just something about an acoustic that just makes me happy.

hello out there

2008-11-25T15:42:00.001-08:00

Ok so I know it's been a very long while since I've posted anything up. Nothing new to mention I guess. I just felt like saying "Hafa Adai" to everyone and hopefully I can get back into the blog world soon.

Time for change.......eh

2008-10-26T20:25:00.000-07:00

Ok so i didn't go red like I originally planned, however I haven't thrown out the idea of coloring my hair so I actually spoke to a professional about it and she approved of me going red! So I'm gonna do it but I'll have to wait until next month when she's back on island. Instead, I cut my hair. I've had long hair practically all my life and the few times that I did cut it, I really wasn't pleased. I just prefer my hair long, end of story. I got some positive comments on the new hair cut, I'M just not thrilled with it. My hair feels short to me and I don't like it, perhaps it's a comfort thing? I don't know but I hope I get used to this new cut soon.

Well I think I know why I feel like changing all of a sudden. My birthday is next month and I'll be another year older and really nothing in my life has changed much in the last 10 years. So I figure I'll just change the way I look.

I think I might even get a tattoo....hmm that's gonna take a little longer for me to really make up my mind about. I mean seriously, if I'm this nervous about changing my hair color which is temporarily permanent, how much more nervous am I gonna be about sticking a needle into my skin to draw some picture that I may not like in a few years and leaving it there for all eternity! We'll see....I might just surprise all of us! :)

Goin Red........just maybe

2008-10-20T00:03:00.000-07:00

Last night an idea crept into my head and I started thinking about dying my brown hair RED. I figure it's not that far off since I seem to already have natural red highlights. The problem is I'm terrified!!!! I've never really dyed my hair before. I did try to "highlight" it once during a trip to Guam with my sister and my friend but apparently it wasn't noticeable. I disagree, I could totally see it! I vowed never to do it again.

Why the sudden change of heart? I'm not sure, I just want change and this seems to be the fastest way I can create change. I just haven't really made up my mind about it and so I've asked a bunch of my friends and family (only those that I truly trust) for their opinion. Most of the women in my life think it's a great idea and I only got one no. Pedali thinks that I will look like Strawberry Shortcake......that's Pedali for you but he also said he would support my decision and will be there for me when I realize how ridiculous I look.

So the girls actually started to convince me that this could be a good thing and I think I'm gonna do it. However, I'm not sure how to break the news to my mom. She loves my hair the way it is and brags to our hair dressers about how I've never dyed it (she does this because they all think I color it). So I think I'm gonna have to do this in secret and surprise her but I know no matter what the outcome she is not gonna be happy!

Wish me luck and let's hope I don't end up looking like Carrot Top!

Eye Candy

2008-10-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up earlier than usual because I needed to buy refreshments for a meeting at 9am. I went to a little bake shop and perused the display of pastries and as I was trying to figure out what to buy, in walks my version of McDreamy! If you watch Grey's Anatomy you know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I just thought he was so cute I even did the little sigh. Well I wasn't done figuring out what to get so I asked him if he wanted to go first. During this time I walked around the shop looking for more items but kept finding myself turn around just to look at him. Oh what a good morning it was!

When I walked out of the store with my huge bag of goodies I realized that McDreamy was still in the parking lot with an obvious car problem. I wanted to offer him a ride but I don't know this guy, he could be psycho! So I just got in my car and left. Obviously this would've been the perfect opportunity to test out my flirting skills and I realize I have none.

Any ideas on what I could've done? Well let me know in case I run into my eye candy again ;)

3 day weekend my foot!

2008-10-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

Ok I am NOT in a good mood. I had a lovely 3 day weekend planned and was really looking forward to it. A relaxing long weekend was just not in the cards for me!

I started out my weekend by leaving the office late because I had to finish putting together meeting packages. My boss was very insistent that I get them out that day, well that just wasn't going to happen.

So Friday night I planned to have dinner with a bunch of friends at a nice restaurant. We planned it a week in advance and I was really looking forward to it. Well 3 of the 5 people canceled out so my cousin and I just decided to go anyway. I was bummed that the other 3 couldn't make it but oh well, it was their loss because we had some awesome grub.

Saturday - oh the drama! I hate drama! It's completely unnecessary!!!! So I pick up 2 of my cousins at their house. We were gonna spend the day at Managaha with some of my friends. Another day I was sooo looking forward to. We went to the store to buy drinks, ice, and sun block. Of course, there was no price on the sun block and we had to wait a good 15 minutes for the cashier to call someone and finally get a price. Ok I was irritated but I wasn't about to let it spoil my day! We zoomed down to the sea plane dock. Ok at the dock we meet 2 of my friends and we think we're all ready to go. We were just expecting a few more peeps to arrive on the 1pm boat. Ok none of the 1pm boat people ever made it to Managaha.

Sunday - Oh dear! Well my day started out with my mom yelling at me to get up and get ready for mass. Yes, because yelling at me first thing in the morning is gonna make me WANT to go to church. FYI, I'm having some issues with my faith right now and I'm not sure if I truly believe anymore (that's whole other post). So I didn't want to go to church in the first place. I get to mass and realize that nothing affects me about the celebration of the Eucharist anymore. It was kind of sad. But really, I just don't see the point. PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME COMMENTS ABOUT HOW I SHOULD FIND GOD AND WHATEVER........I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS THAT YET.

Ok so after mass we go for breakfast. We get to the restaurant and it's packed but we found 1 table (big enough to seat 8 people...only 3 of us there). We order our food ok nothing wrong with the order except they forgot my bread. I didn't ask for it either, I was full with the stuff I did have but that's not the point. Anyway.....the rest of my Sunday included delivering meeting packages to the places that I could. I couldn't deliver all of them so I knew I would be delivering packages again on Monday.

Monday - the worst day ever! Actually, it started off pretty good. I picked up my cousin at home and she went with me to drop off the meeting packages then we decided to have lunch and go shopping. We were together for about 2 hours and then I had to drop her home because I needed to go to the spa at 4pm for my massage. Just as I was leaving my house, my mom asks me to go to the ATM for her and to bring the cash back right away. Ok well the first ATM I went to was not dispensing cash so I drove to the next one. This took about 15 minutes to get the money and drop it off to my mom. I already knew I was gonna be late for my appointment. So I call the spa to let them know I'm running late and if we can reschedule to 4:30pm instead. Apparently the place was very busy and the next available slot wasn't until 6pm....ok thanks mom I'm not gonna get my massage! So I am speeding down to the spa and hoping that I'll only be about 3 - 5 minutes late. Sure enough I got there at 4:05pm they let me get my massage but I didn't have time to go to the locker room and put my stuff away so I had to change in the massage room. Of course with my luck, my phone starts ringing!!!!!!!! It's my boss, I hung up on him and turned my phone off. I didn't hang up on him on purpose I just thought it was text and could get to it later. oh well, I finally get my massage and I feel that working over the weekend just didn't matter because in the end I got to be this relaxed! After the massage I took my phone and searched for the text message I missed and couldn't find it, then I realized it was an actual call. So I try to call my boss back but he doesn't respond so I text him. Apparently, he had to pay for a plane ticket for someone I was supposed to bring in from Rota. Ok I know I'm in trouble....

TUESDAY - UGH I HATE TODAY! First thing this morning I try to find out what happened with the plane ticket. My boss comes in and asks what happens I explain, he doesn't like the answer and then he really got on my case about it.

I gave up my 3 day weekend for this?! UCKFAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

M3

2008-10-08T19:15:00.000-07:00

My BFF Pedali has called me, on several occasions, Marilyn. Well he calls me this when I don’t get a joke of his or I just don’t understand what he’s saying. Please keep in mind that Pedali is a very unusual person with a very odd mind. I’m surprised I understand him at all. However, he says it’s my blondie moments and actually I agree with him……sometimes. Anyway, he was referring to Marilyn Monroe who was obviously blonde. Please don’t get too technical and say her real name was Norma Jean who was actually a brunette because that is irrelevant.

So apparently, he tells me I had an M3 last night. M3 = Marilyn Monroe Moment. I had no idea what he was talking about. Well last night was Wednesday and Pedali and I both play darts on Wednesday nights however not for the same team. I’m a much better player than he is ;). He just doesn’t know it yet even though he plays for masters and I’m at the bottom in C Division (FYI, there is no D division). Okay, so we were at VFW as usual on a Wednesday evening, warming up for our games later that night. He couldn’t believe how oblivious I was that I was surrounded by men. He even mentioned one in particular who was looking at me but he couldn’t tell if he was looking at me or my “girls.” It doesn’t matter I just didn’t notice any of this. I didn’t realize that there were that many people at the VFW. I was more concerned about getting my butt kicked by Pedali but I let him win about 3 games. Then I decided to stop playing and go and check to see if anyone had commented on my blog. This blog thing is new to me so I’m kind of a dork about it right now.

This morning I get a message to call Pedali, who by the way left the wrong number! He tells me this story and I was shocked. It was the perfect opportunity for me to get my game on but I didn’t notice. Unfortunately, I was not dressed to impress and I’m not even sure my hair was combed but I do know I was comfortable. So apparently, I looked like I live in Mr. Roger’s neighborhood (obviously another lovely description by my beloved BFF).

So what is the point of this story? I need a new BFF! My reality series begins on November 20th!

Crazy Cravings

2008-10-07T23:45:00.000-07:00

Most people who know me know about my crazy cravings. It’s insane really. I don’t just crave one thing I crave many, many, many things. God help us if it cannot be found on this rock! My cravings are like aliens from outer space that have invaded my body and taken over.

Twinkies was a craving I used to get every time “Aunt Flo,” would come for a visit. Well for a very long time, Saipan didn’t have any Twinkies. It drove everyone around me nuts. Maybe because I was nuts! I remember driving to every store (even the ones I wasn’t sure were stores) every gas station, every snack bar you name it I’ve been there! All of that driving, just to find a Twinkie that didn’t exist. I mean I must be completely unbearable when I have a craving! People were bringing Twinkies in from Guam just so I could store it in my freezer and whenever I wanted it, I only had to go to my kitchen.

Ok enough about the Twinkies. My cravings have gotten worse and luckily for me and everyone else, most of them can be found on island. But the problem is that I now crave for a lot of stuff at the same time. It’s really bad because if I don’t give into these cravings, they just don’t go away!!!! I won’t stop talking about it and then it becomes contagious and soon all my friends are complaining that they want it to. When does the madness stop?!

I’ve lost about 30lbs. within the last year and I’ve been trying to keep it off and hopefully lose a little bit more but it’s extremely hard to ignore the cravings. It haunts me every day, every where I go. I’m weak! I want that cookie dammit!!! OOH ice cream!!!! Hmm……the boys are playing darts at Oleai tonight, maybe I should swing by so I can get some nachos……………..SEE IT’S STARTING AGAIN!!!

Perpetually Single

2008-10-06T23:38:00.001-07:00

I avoid attending weddings, bridal showers and baby showers. For one main reason…."When are you gonna get married?" Don't you want to have kids?" "Ai doll, you're getting old!"

Ok so what?! I don't know if I'm gonna get married EVER, and why people ask me this question knowing that I haven't been in a serious relationship since 2001 makes absolutely no sense to me!!!

Yes, I do want to have kids one day but I’m not trying to get pregnant in the next 5 minutes. Oh my aunties, God love them, because they drive me crazy! I know I’m getting old but hey, if my child bearing years are almost over and eventually are over then it’s over what do u want me to do? I mean really do you think that I should just take matters into my own hands and straddle a guy until he impregnates me?! Yah, I don’t like that idea any more than you do!

Well I have accepted that I may never get married or have children. I used to get depressed thinking about it. So maybe I’m meant to be single for the rest of my life. I really don’t care anymore. In fact, healing a broken heart sucks! I’m not saying that it would never happen I’m saying that I don’t expect it to. Once I realized that my life has been happier, I’m in a better mood and I’m not wasting my time on trying to find a love that may not be intended for me anyway. Don’t get me wrong, it does get lonely sometimes but that problem is easily solved with a pint of ice cream and a spoon! Hey it tastes good! Don’t roll your eyes at me, like you’ve never done it before! So if I am destined to be single for the rest of my life, so be it. I’m not gonna fight it anymore.